twenty twenty three

Last New Year’s was spent on a mountain in Tanzania and this year, as I’m drafting this note, I’m in a mountain lodge in the middle of a three day trek in the Ecuadorian Andes…I like where this tradition is going 🏔️

Exactly a year ago - I probably wouldn’t have recognized who I am, where I am, or what I’m doing. However, I started reading my old journal and noticed that some of my reflections foreshadowed the way things turned out. Jotting down fleeting comments or quotes from readings or conversations with the people in my life. “Our lives are blips in the grande scheme of humanity. Do good with what you have. Live a life that you will be proud of. Do good onto others and realize your impact beyond yourself and your happiness. There are a lot of experiences besides happiness. Even those feelings are temporary and nothing lasts forever. Our lives are not linear, and we have to accept the ebbs and flows that either allows us to do more of what we love or require us to accept a different normal.” Yes, my journal is full of platitudes and clichés but reading it always makes me smile and keeps me grounded.

My dad earlier this year also told me that I’m “making my life harder than it needs to be” which I found amusing (and true). I could’ve followed a well-trodden path and kept a comfortable job, I could’ve stayed home, I could’ve been “settled”, etc..and undoubtedly have had a clearer picture of what my life would look like for the next few years. Unfortunately (or fortunately), I did none of that. I decided to pivot even though I had no idea what I was getting myself into, I chose the unexpected and trusted myself enough to figure it out, and pushed myself to my limits mentally, physically, and emotionally. The moments when we are shaken to our core and rethink what we previously thought about ourselves and our lives is powerful beyond belief. I’ve realized how important it is to take a step back and spend time “thinking” instead of “doing”, the best ideas (read: the craziest, unhinged, and unconventional ideas as well) come from moments of deep reflection and decisions you make for yourself (even when there is no precedence set). There are too many sheeple, please don’t be one of them.

I still don’t know how to answer my dads well-intentioned comment, but I’m reminded of this quote that summarizes some of my own thoughts on why I decide to do hard things:

“There is no passion to be found playing small - in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living” - Nelson Mandela

Also, I can confidently say that some things have stayed the same in the last year - me furiously writing last January “what the hell am I doing and how/why do I think I can do this.” I’d like to think it’s stupid determination, faith even when the cards aren’t always in my favor, and certainty they everything will work out when the time is right and for the right reasons. I don’t have all the answers, I don’t know what’s next, and I don’t know if what I’m doing is “right”, but I’m taking this journey one step at a time inshaAllah