twenty eight

It's the eve of my twenty-eighth, the day snuck up on me quicker than i'd like to admit. These “birth days”, even though seemingly individualistic and capitalistic days of celebration, remind me to take a step back and think about what the last 365 days have really done for me and what i have done for the world.

Reader, I had always thought of 27. In my late teens, I remember thinking it would mark a mature, cool, and pivotal phase in my life way off in the distant future. I’d imagined I would finally have overcome my awkward college years, struggles as a new grad, be settled into the workforce, and fully invested in my personal, family, and career aspirations at this point. Instead, I’ve gone through multiple phases: losing my job, moving across the country, traveling to parts of the world I’d never have imagined myself in, and starting a business. Everything they say is true - you have never fully figured it out. I wonder how long this version of Nadah will last - and what God had destined for me through the opportunities and challenges He’s placed in my path. 

I spent the last 5 weeks on the road, being a “nomad” also becoming a core part of my persona these last few years. 3 countries, 8 cities, too many air mattresses, beds, and couches to keep track of. I’ve really embraced the minimalistic tendencies that always came naturally and felt innate. Along the way finding inspiration in people, places, and experiences. Also, one too many situationships. Making a mental note that dating while traveling adds more chaos and drama than i can realistically manage. Stop me next time, the “do it for the plot” mentality works until the plot no longer makes sense for any sane human being. 

I wonder what 28 will bring. A sense of maturity, calm, and focus would be ideal (though very out of character) as I struggle to balance the insane amounts of energy I have with my ambitious visions of the future. A normal person would probably treat themselves on their special day, meanwhile I commemorate these days by seeing how far my body (and my mind) can take me. Another crazy accomplishment for my twenty-eighth was summiting two 14,000 ft peaks in Colorado last week. I was making my way down the mountain feeling exhausted but optimistic. It was one of those things I didn’t know I could make a reality until I did. 

One last concept I’ve been coming back to lately has been the idea of being a vessel. We, as humans, have free-will to make whatever decisions we want (more or less) and decide how to spend our time. I’ve been placed in positions to make a lot of decisions lately, weighing the pros and cons of every action and trying to decide what to optimize for. I’ve wondered more than anything how some decisions have a ripple effect on so many others, and realized the purpose behind each decision has gone beyond my personal life and pursuits. I still struggle with decision making and planning fatigue lately, but finally acknowledged that refusing to make a decision because of fear inevitably is a bad decision itself. I’ve decided that the best decision is to fully commit…to whatever feels right in that moment. All we have is faith, knowledge, and acceptance that uncertainty is the only certainty in life. Welcome to 28…the chapter I never thought I’d be ready for. And as usual, we’ll be figuring it out as we go inshaAllah.