the cost of connection
it’s valentines day..and im on a plane. the epitome of the “catch flights not feelings” meme. this past month has been particularly draining with the pendulum of priorities in my life feeling off-balanced and most of my nights are spent as an insomniac. the few hours i have on a plane is nice, i can forget my to-do and to-message-back lists and do what i enjoy doing most at altitude: thinking and writing.
last Saturday, I was sitting on a couch in our cabin during a trip i was leading in the Adirondacks with 17 other women. someone started a series of “would you rather” questions, we were passing time before dinner and this gave us a chance to get know each other a little deeper. One of the girls posed a question “when you travel: would you rather pick the place - or the people you go with?” (think Costa Rica with a bunch of strangers OR a nearby weekend getaway with your besties). I immediately raised my hand for the former, I had been doing this for years: visiting 27 national parks with 18 different girls (sisters, friends, mutuals, etc..anyone that would come with me). I’d always had this deep desire to explore and visit natural place that I had always prioritized where I was going. I looked around the room with my hand raised and realized it was just me.
i asked these women (since everyone else prioritized the people) why they decided to join this trip? One girl said she always takes trips with her non-Muslim friends but the chance to meet other Muslim girls is what led her to sign up (without caring much where it would be). I notice the interactions each person has with each other: watching strangers turn into friends and eventually turn into sisters in 48 hours. I started this collective with a half-baked idea and ask these questions to see how its evolved over time into something more than I originally intended. It brought to light something we all so desperately crave and want: connection with each other.
my time in boston so far has been tumultuous, as a city with ambitious, successful, and high-achieving people. it can be difficult to make plans, meet others outside of professional contexts, and ive felt like something was missing that made me feel off-centered. a few weeks ago I was invited to a brunch and joined seven other ladies in a cozy apartment (most of us strangers to each other except the host) and our conversations spanned the most fascinating topics that i cant even begin to sufficiently recall: travel, colonialism, astrocartograpy, Love is Blind, and reclaiming grief. My world feels smaller every day sometimes, I realized one girl is married to someone I worked with two years ago (re: tech activism) and she got up to give me a hug because I’d given him hope during a stressful time. It was dark by the time I left her apartment to take the T back home (the brunch turned into a five hour hangout). my heart felt so full, it was the connection that I needed to sit and reflect and be in a space with brilliant people that also care deeply is what I had desperately needed.
as i got into my Uber this morning to head to the airport, my driver wished me a “Happy Valentines Day” and mentioned another rider didn’t respond after his remark “maybe she didn't have a valentines” he says. his astute observatios (which i agreed with) was "even if you don’t have a valentine you can still have friends and people you love". we live in a society with a loneliness epidemic, and relationships are a blessing and privilege for many of us. every day (and i guess on this captitalistic holiday) i hope you all have moments of love, care, and connection with the people in your life or that you find yourself in places and with people around you where you can cultivate that.
as i think about my pendulum of priorities, i think about what will matter 30 years from now to use as a guiding force in my decision making. I was sitting in a Harvard Business School class last week on the lives of influential people, a course aptly called, “Changing the World”. One of the points that was discussed was on sacrifices and tradeoffs these people made to make it where they did. I wonder which path I’m headed towards, and which one will actually serve me the most?
