on pursuits, peaks, and priorities

I’ve had plenty of reflections and thoughts for blog posts lately but I’m starting to be convinced that my eventual downfall will come from doing too much, too quickly and not having the time and space to process everything. I was joking with friends over the past few weeks saying that I go from 0 to 100 back to 0 real fast, but every joke has some level of truth to it and the cycles of excessive energy and then eventual crashes usually inevitably lead to burn out.  

I don’t regret any of the decisions I’ve made though and seizing opportunities as they come (without overthinking or doubting myself) has opened more doors and shaped who I am today. I had two summits planned, two consecutive weekends in a row, with a trip to San Diego in between so I could be home for Eid. On June 25th, I made it to the summit of Glacier Peak with Climbers of Climber (one of our guides being the founder himself, Don Nguyen). I was finally given the chance to learn mountaineering skills and push myself to reach the top of one of the five volcanoes in Washington state. I’ll admit, “not overthinking” things in practice has gotten me into situations I hadn’t anticipated and so many moments felt risky, challenging, and downright miserable. Over the following weekend, a group of friends and I went to Mt. Whitney for a three day backpacking trip. We got lucky with the lottery back in March and snagged permits the weekend of July 2nd. The few months prior there was a lot of back and forth in our group…conditions would be rough with excessive snow on the mountain and not having experience in wearing microspikes/crampons and using an ice axe was a concern for folks. By the time the day finally came around, almost half of the group had decided not to attempt it. The entire weekend was filled with a lot of emotions but physically I felt ready for it, and on July 3rd around 9 am, me and 3 others reached the summit and were standing at the highest point in the lower 48 states Alhamdulillah.

We reached the base of the mountain, Whitney Portal, on July 4th and we were walking to the lower parking lot to find our cars. Feeling very content, satisfied, and already nostalgic that this weekend was over. I was thinking back to every experience I was privileged enough to have had over the past month. Whenever I’d catch up with people I would mention I’d reached “peak chaos” at different moments over the last year but somehow there’s always a new peak and things get crazier. But the three days we spent on Whitney were so memorable and for once I wanted time to slow down so I could appreciate this moment. The opportunity to experience so many things is nice, but you eventually reach a point where you don’t appreciate these phases in life for what they are because you’re always rushing to whatever’s next.  

I started thinking about how I see my future and how I choose to spend my time, money, and energy. I know that life isn’t a race, we can’t compare our progress to anyone else, and even though our time isn’t an unlimited resource it’s important to pace ourselves and cultivate sustainable habits for the long run. Everything I choose to do and every place I’ve visited has been very purposeful, and as I get older the people I choose to spend time with are the ones are the ones that are the most genuine (though it gets tricky to balance family and close friends while following ambitions).

On July 5th, my brother-in-law dropped me off at the airport in San Diego and I was sitting in the backseat with my 8 month old nephew. He was staring up at me and for a while just thinking of leaving him breaks my heart and the guilt sets in. I ask my  brother-in-law how he thinks having my nephew has changed him and if he’s always wanted kids, he said he’s always believed in taking care of others and that our true purpose and priorities shouldn’t be solely to ourselves (the very individualistic mindset in the US can be problematic). I agree with him, but in reflecting on my own circumstances I start to wonder if I’ve over-invested in my own personal accomplishments and pursuits.

While I’m on the plane, I find myself sitting near the emergency exit. I have the whole row to myself while the rest of the plane is seemingly full. The flight attendant comes by and explains that there are additional rules if I choose to sit here, “if there is an emergency, will you be ready to assist others?”. I say of course, and hope that I can say the same thing with as much certainty in any situation I find myself in when it comes to taking care of others. The pilot announces over the intercom “we’re at 10,000 ft and still climbing”…and it’s a very wild feeling knowing that I was standing outside at this altitude the past two weekends. It’s incredible seeing how far our bodies can take us, and realizing that it is more than just a physical challenge. It requires so much mental and emotional resiliency to continue to put ourselves through these conditions on the mountains.

The existential thoughts sometimes come in, why are we even doing this to ourselves? Are we conquering metaphorical or physical mountains in our lives? I think the answer is both, I like to think of this hobby just as an extension of how much drive, determination, and discipline I can put to something that is important and worth pursuing. It may not always be reaching the peak of the highest mountain tops, it may eventually be giving up parts of myself and investing it into the people and lives of others that I care about. In the meantime, while I’m still in this “figuring things out” phase, I hope that I will always stand by what I’ve said and live in a principled way knowing our biggest impact and influence in this world will come from what we do for the people that are around us.