at the corner of 7th standard rd and rock bottom
My stomach was in knots, the exit was coming up and I wasn’t sure how I should be feeling. I was in bed the night before when the realization came to me, I would be driving up north (from San Diego to the Bay Area) the following day and passing by this spot. Wednesday, May 10th. Almost six months prior, on the same drive from north to south was where I took this exit and found myself stumbling out of my car and crumbling into a ball on the dirt road and sobbing. Wednesday, November 23rd.
It was an unfortunate series of events, occurring on three consecutive Wednesdays to be precise, that left me feeling like I was at rock bottom. I was notified on Nov 9th that I was laid-off, an email that hit me like a ton of bricks especially since the day prior I had signed a new offer at the same company to move into a role of my dreams. The following two weeks would be a battle with directors, legal, and HR to have them honor the offer despite the unfortunate and unrelated timing of the automated email that informed me I am now out of a job. It was on Nov 16th that I went through a break-up that left me heartbroken and grappling with how to mentally and emotionally process these situations. Suffering from decision paralysis with what to do next and overall feeling defeated. And finally, on Nov 23rd, I decided to close this chapter on my life and drive back home to San Diego…without an idea of when I would be coming back. It was mistake to pick up that phone call while I was driving, someone from HR let me know that they tried everything they could and they would not let me move into the new role. When it rains it pours.
I was numb and tried my best to block out any thoughts or feelings until I could safely process it. I pulled over at the exit and distinctly remember the way the trees looked as I paced for a minute and eventually broke down. A very random place and time to fall into an crisis. These drives up and down the 5 are very familiar and routine for me since California is home. I was born in the Bay Area, raised in the Inland Empire, and attended college in San Diego. Six months have passed since these events and I was compelled to stop by the same exact spot off the 5 freeway and allow myself this full-circle moment. The trees were no longer there, it seems as if it’s a new season and the farmers had just started planting and irrigating new crops.
And for me, coming back to the Bay Area, would be to start a new beginning and to finally gain closure of what had happened in the past. Anyone that knows about my life from the last six months knows I’m in a much better place..but it took time to cultivate this tenacity, resiliency, and growth mindset. My life in this moment doesn’t give me a clear idea of when I will be making this drive back to San Diego (summer plans still involve quite a bit of traveling, nomading, and subleasing along the west coast iA) but I hope that once I’m back I can see the trees again off of 7th Standard Rd and have a continued appreciation for the cycles in our lives of endings, growth, and rebirth.
